I don't want to do many totes serious posts but I have THOUGHTS. I've been going to the gym hard 5-6 times a week for 2 years consistently and I think I finally hit burnout. The gym is MY place and I didn't want to be there. I can't even explain why I didn't want to go, I just knew I wanted to sit on my sofa, watch tv, and play on my laptop.
I saw the signs a few weeks back and decided to completely change my training focus. Although I've been doing strength training my main focus has been weight loss. I am SO BORED of weight loss. Since I started deadlifting I've become obsessed with strength and increasing my numbers. I love how strong I feel when I'm deadlifting 115kg. Love it! So I decided to work towards competing in power lifting meets and change my training to focus on the big three - deadlift, bench press, and squat. I now do my big compound lifts first using a 5-3-1 training programme and then accessory work. Before I was doing too many exercises, lots of them I didn't care for that seemed to be more for bodybuilding. Now, if the exercises I do don't contribute to increasing my deadlift, bench, and squat then I don't waste my time doing them.
This change defo helped and it feels right...but then the not wanting to go to the gym happened. I didn't really know what to do! I started watching Elliot Hulse on you tube and he helped me remember why I do any of this in the first place.
After I started strength training I realised that I seemed stronger than women I have known before. This grew and grew and my body changed, but so did my mind. My personal development is directly related to my physical strength. I truly believe this! The easiest way to become the best version of yourself is through exercise. This might not be barbells and dumbbells, but could be through anything that involves the body. Training for a 10k run, building up your squat pb, learning how to play an instrument, or learning how to fish, these are all ways for you to become the best version of yourself. It forces the mind to expand by using the body. It's an exciting process!
I believe 100% that I can lift any weight you put in front of me. ANY weight. I can't see a limit to my strength. I want the world (and more importantly my own consciousness) to see that I am as strong on the inside that I am physically. I cannot be strong in mind if I am not strong in body. I didn't realise this was the case when I broke my leg, but looking back now it makes sense. I was wheeled into A&E and left in a corridor whilst the nurses figured out where to put me. I was completely immobile, in great pain, left alone, and I felt weak. All I could do was cry. It wasn't just tears of being in pain or potentially ending my sporting career. It was because I was nothing in that moment. That feeling continued and only started to leave when I could be active in any way. The first time I felt relief was when they were teaching me to walk again. I could only manage a few steps and I almost fainted. But it was progress, it was exercise, it was evidence of strength, and as a result my mind was getting strong again along with my leg. In fact, at various stages in my life when I was weak in mind the only time things got better was when I started to exercise my body.
So how does this tie in with me lethargy to gym recently? It made me realise what I'm doing the gym for. I need this to make me stronger, in all aspects. If I'm not at the gym because I don't feel like it then I will get weaker physically and mentally, and it will spiral. The weaker I am mentally the less likely I will want to go back. Obviously a day off here and there won't kill me. And I am a believer in a deload week.
The gym is the place where I am most myself. There are no boundaries, there are no real judgements. There is me, a barbell, and a connection between my consciousness and my limbs. It's personal, it's intimate, it's self-expression, it's self development, and it's all mine.
The only thing I could do was to fucking force myself back there. So I went for a shoulders day. I told myself straight off that I was just going to do the things I enjoy for this one day. For one day I'm not going to do stupid exercises that I'm meant to do that I hate. I'm not doing to do boring shitty cardio. I am going to lift heavy fucking weights above my head and I am going to grunt and shout and slam shit down, because that is cathartic and how doesn't love to slam shit down!?
It felt great. I got new pb's and I walked out feeling like I'd achieved something and I was getting stronger again.
This stuff isn't easy, but sometimes you need to realise why you are doing what you're doing to get back in the zone.
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