moving forward

I have realised through the years that I am my best person when I am working for something, fighting for something,or moving forward in any way. I cannot be satisfied with coasting, it doesn't sit with me. And when I am at the bottom I have more drive and ambition than any other time.

Recently I've felt like I was coasting and subsequently failing at things. Coasting at Derby and the gym and subsequently failing at both. It's actually been a really rough week. But as a result I've kicked everything up a gear and I feel like I'm fighting and working for this again, and that's when I feel most alive.

For derby I continued to put effort into practice but something was missing but I didn't know what it was. It was only when the privledge of being on a team was taken off me did I see how much extra effort I could put into practice. Now I will fight for the entire 120 minutes to prove without a doubt that I should be on a team. Yes it was shit and I was heartbroken, but it was the best thing for me.

In the gym my bench press has just not been progressing. It's the only lift I am genuinely struggling with and for the first time I was failing to hit my numbers. I should never fail to hit my numbers. First problem - I was training at a gym with substandard equipment and surrounded by people who don't have the same goals and don't push me to be better. Solution? I changed gyms and it's AMAZING. In the new gym I'm surrounded by people a lot stronger than me and it's pushing me. They also have more than one barbell so yeah. Because I'm now in a suitable environment I'm thinking all day about getting to the gym, I'm thinking about my lifts, the numbers I'm gonna do, picturing myself completing the lifts, and itching to get in there. This itself has made me feel like I'm not just working out anymore, I'm training. Everything I do up until that moment in the gym is prep for the lift. It's all training and I am focused and ready to progress!

Since making these changes (also adding in an extra bench press day and really nailing leg drive) I've already beat my current pb and I imagine in future I'll be doing a lot more of that.

I guess what I want to get across is that sometimes things are shit and you feel like you can do nothing right, but dig deep,  push through, and fight to move forward. Maybe one day I'll not be able to pick myself up and dust myself off but today is not that day. I think I'll keep saying that forever. Today is not that day.